Im not ready

I thought I was ready to post about my PCOS right now. But as I tried to type on my other blog, I just couldn't do it. I feel shameful and less myself than I did before. I am the woman that creates babies easier than learning to count to ten.

I got more depressed today when I spoke to my dad. Neither one of my parents had what I would consider a "good reaction" when I told them about my PCOS.
Yesterday, when I told my mom, she immediately got worried about my health and being overweight. Talk about a self esteem killer. My feelings were actually hurt that she thinks I'd consider just eating what I want since I cant lose weight right now anyway. Contrary to what some may believe, I don't actually like being overweight. And having this diagnosis doesn't make losing weight easier---something I have had a very hard time coming to grips with.
Then today, as I was talking to my dad about it, he brought up the weight issues again and said I should stop trying to have a baby until I lose some weight. Goodbye, self esteem. Dont know if we will ever meet again. He thinks it would be a better idea to..."insert opinion here"...and though I love my dad and trust him on almost anything, I trust my obgyn more with this subject. I believe my obgyn is doing what he knows is best at this time.

One thing I am going to try is something my sister's friend, Angie, told me. She also has PCOS and knows much more about it than I do. She explained that because our blood sugar is now messed up (kind of like a diabetic), to regulate my system I should find out if it has become hard for my body to break down certain foods. She went on a sugar/lactose/wheat free detox and then slowly built each of those food groups back into her diet, to see whether she had an intolerance to any of them. I know it sounds silly but cutting those things out of my diet is going to be super hard. Like super SUPER hard. But Ill give it a try if it's going to help my body become and maybe even help us get pregnant.

Really, I just want to be pregnant...like yesterday. I know I'm being selfish and I have some more time before there is a huge gap between my kids but I'm scared for how many more times it'll be possible for me to get pregnant and part of me just wants to be pregnant right now to reassure me that it can still happen after being diagnosed with PCOS.

This just plain sucks. I cant think of another word that describes it so well. There's nothing I can do about it and that just sucks.