Suzanne and Davey Maughan

Sometimes I feel like my trials are neverending. I always envisioned this life to have trials that come and go, to have ups and downs. But lately, there have been mostly downs with only tiny ups here and there.
A couple of weeks ago, Karin called to let us know she was expecting her first child. My heart sank a little since I expected to be pregnant by this time but it wasn't long before I was completely excited for her, especially knowing this is her first time really experiencing motherhood.
Then two days ago, Jamie called to tell me that she is also expecting. This hit me deeper than before and I have been having a hard time finding my happiness and peace these last few days. It has now been 10 months since we started trying to conceive our third child and I wish this nightmare would end. I'm trying to live more righteously and make changes in my life so that Heavenly Father knows I am learning through my trial but so far, it hasn't been enough. Still no baby.

On top of this, things seem to be getting much better AND worse in my marriage. We are either happier than ever or thinking about getting a divorce. Today is divorce day. My husband has lost a lot of money in our marriage and I've had a hard time trusting that it's actually lost and that he isn't spending it elsewhere. I saw $200 come out of the bank account last week and when I asked him about it, he claimed it was for a Valentine's Day surprise for me. I asked if I could see the money to know that he still has it and he got upset. I know I have trust issues but something about it just doesn't feel right and I have a hunch that he's lying. Sometimes this makes me feel crazy. Am I a horrible wife for not trusting or should I trust my instincts? I never know what is right! So we've been fighting all afternoon and he says the money is in a trunk that only he knows the lock combination for. This actually makes me even more mad that he won't let me have the combination and that he hides stuff in there from me.
How do I remain trusting of him? I just feel so lost and horrible right now and am hoping it can get better soon.