OCD

Life is really funny. The minute you think one trial seems to be getting better, another one flings itself in your face and tells you it's time for a new challenge.

Seriously, though, it doesn't feel as if I'll ever catch a break. As negative as that sounds, this year seems to get harder and harder and yet, happier and happier with each passing day.

The struggles I have endured have a funny way of making me happier. I'm often confused as to how I can attain any happiness at all when there are times I feel my whole life is falling apart. But it's surely there. Sometimes I have to search for it a little bit more but I can always find it.

Ever since I was a little girl, I would heard my mother talk about how her side of the family has a history of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). We would all laugh and tell about our funny little quirks that probably put us on the OCD spectrum and go about our days. I would tell people I have OCD but never looked at myself in comparison to those people who really have OCD. I thought my quirks were rather funny and not at all detrimental to my well being or the well being of those around me.

I've come to find out recently that my OCD, which is a series of number quirks and making sure things are always even in my life, has not only been affecting me but also those around me. Who knew that OCD could be traced back to the reason I often feel things in my life aren't fair? I sure didn't. Technically, I have weird even number quirks but never thought that would correlate with fairness or even with the anger and anxiety I sometimes feel.

I'm fairly new to the whole 'dealing with my OCD' thing. I have often joked that I wish my OCD forced me to keep my house clean or something that would benefit my family rather than just annoy them but I now realize how unfunny that is. When I was challenged to stop one of my number quirks, I figured it would be super easy. I mean, really, I'm not crazy, right? I knew it would be easy to stop. But as you might have guessed, realizing how hard it is to stop has made me realize just how obsessive I am. And that just sucks. But as much as it sucks to be told you have a problem you need to deal with, I am willing to keep working on it.

So if you see me somewhere and I look like I'm having an anxiety attack, I probably am. This has been a lot harder than I expected it to be but I've been told that the earlier I deal with it, the less I'll have to deal with it. Because there is a chance that someday, I'd become one of those people on that tv show 'Obsessed'. And since I don't want to be that person, I guess I'll deal with the hard now and hopefully, through a lot of prayer and patience, it'll get better with time.

PCOS. OCD. Any other acronym syndromes I can get diagnosed with before the year is over?



Just thought I'd ask... :)