What would I do if it had been me?
What would I do if there was no baby in my arms to hold?
What would I do?
I remember having a miscarriage and being very heartbroken but thinking, "Ok, let's try again."
Those were the longest 3 months of my life.
I remember working and seeing moms with their beautiful children and wondering, "Will that ever be me? Will I ever have a child that has my genes or will we end up adopting 10 years down the road? Will I keep having miscarriage upon miscarriage? Is my body able to handle a child?"
Obviously, you can look at that sweet baby on the side there...It happened and we are so very thankful for our sweet angel.
So what would I do if she was lost?
Can I even find the words to explain?
I don't blog-stalk all too often but there are a few blogs that catch my eye. One is a friend of my friend, Kami's. I read her blog and cry. I read her sister's blog and cry.
Why am I so selfish?
Why is it that when I don't fit into a size 2 pair of jeans or when Hayley wont stop screaming that I suddenly feel like I have a horrible life?
I dont.
June 9th was my due date. I remember it very clearly because Hayley was almost a month old on that day. I was planning to go to Kami's welcome home party and show off Hayley to all of my high school friends. But I never got to go. Because on June 9th, when one baby should have been brought into this world, one beautiful baby boy was taken out.
So why does it affect me?
I have never and probably will never meet his family.
I cannot tell you of the inspiration that fills me when I read her blog. I cheer for that mother every day to keep going when I don't even know her.
I could not tell you whether or not I would think positive thoughts in my mind about her being taken from this Earth like I hear this strong mother talk about her son.
I hope I never have to endure such tragedy in my life but from one mother to another, I hope we all learn not to take our lives for granted.
Since those first days of hearing about this beautiful (and Im not just trying to make this post sound better, he really is beautiful!) boy's passing, I strive to love my daughter more and spend time with her. I hate working and missing out on her life but I am grateful that her daddy gets to spend time with her in the afternoons. He is so good to her.
I am sorry to sound so down...I am not upset. I am only humbled and I hope to keep that spirit with me as much as possible.
I fall in love all over again each morning as I see her beautiful face looking up at mine.
I am so blessed.
What would I do if there was no baby in my arms to hold?
What would I do?
I remember having a miscarriage and being very heartbroken but thinking, "Ok, let's try again."
Those were the longest 3 months of my life.
I remember working and seeing moms with their beautiful children and wondering, "Will that ever be me? Will I ever have a child that has my genes or will we end up adopting 10 years down the road? Will I keep having miscarriage upon miscarriage? Is my body able to handle a child?"
Obviously, you can look at that sweet baby on the side there...It happened and we are so very thankful for our sweet angel.
So what would I do if she was lost?
Can I even find the words to explain?
I don't blog-stalk all too often but there are a few blogs that catch my eye. One is a friend of my friend, Kami's. I read her blog and cry. I read her sister's blog and cry.
Why am I so selfish?
Why is it that when I don't fit into a size 2 pair of jeans or when Hayley wont stop screaming that I suddenly feel like I have a horrible life?
I dont.
June 9th was my due date. I remember it very clearly because Hayley was almost a month old on that day. I was planning to go to Kami's welcome home party and show off Hayley to all of my high school friends. But I never got to go. Because on June 9th, when one baby should have been brought into this world, one beautiful baby boy was taken out.
So why does it affect me?
I have never and probably will never meet his family.
I cannot tell you of the inspiration that fills me when I read her blog. I cheer for that mother every day to keep going when I don't even know her.
I could not tell you whether or not I would think positive thoughts in my mind about her being taken from this Earth like I hear this strong mother talk about her son.
I hope I never have to endure such tragedy in my life but from one mother to another, I hope we all learn not to take our lives for granted.
Since those first days of hearing about this beautiful (and Im not just trying to make this post sound better, he really is beautiful!) boy's passing, I strive to love my daughter more and spend time with her. I hate working and missing out on her life but I am grateful that her daddy gets to spend time with her in the afternoons. He is so good to her.
I am sorry to sound so down...I am not upset. I am only humbled and I hope to keep that spirit with me as much as possible.
I fall in love all over again each morning as I see her beautiful face looking up at mine.
I am so blessed. 
2 comments:
You know, sometimes I think I should stop blog stalking because I always find stuff like this and it just breaks my heart. I can't even imagine how these moms do it.
Like you, I miscarried my first pregnancy. I was devestated. All the same thoughts ran through my head. but then sure enough, 3 months later I got pregnant and what a blessing our little Eden is. I never, ever want to go through miscarrying again, it was so awful!
you are so lucky, your daughter is beautiful! love those eyes.
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