In the presence of my daughter

I am so so so sick of trials.

You may think of it as nothing.

You may think I am selfish.

But I don't care.

Every day when I wave goodbye in the parking lot at work.

Every day that her blues eyes sparkle at me.

She is mine and I miss her every day.

I sound like I've lost her.

She is still here.

But not in my arms.

For 8 hours a day, I have to miss her.

And when I get home, I cannot love her enough.

Tears spill down my face [at work] because I think of being home with her.

But I feel very alone.

I feel like all my friends that work, want to.

And all of them that don't, simply don't.

I would sacrifice all of the nice things I have to stay home with her.

But I simply am the only one in our small, sweet family who has an income right now.

My husband is terrific.

I find myself mad at him because I don't stay home with her but why?

Why is it his fault?

He needs to be in school.

We made this decision together

And it feels neverending.

I get my hopes up.

Maybe when Andersen is born, things will change.

But how?

He will bring more expenses and I will work.

I work.

I ache.

I miss my baby often.

And you may not think about that if I were to tell you I am a working mother.

You would not know how hard it gets as every day passes and this economy gives us no hope for a new job for Davey.

You just wouldn't know.

Becase if you saw me, it would probably be after work and she would be with me...

...and I would be happy and smiling in the presence of my daughter.